Holding on to Guilt
Can I talk to you about Mom guilt? It might be a phrase you have heard before, but let me paint a picture of what it is looking like in my life. My dear, sweet daughter takes the worst naps. I do everything I can to get her to sleep well. Dark room, white noise,Continue reading “Holding on to Guilt”
We Are All Keeping Secrets
I told Russell today that I felt like I was keeping a secret from my long distance best friend. She’s coming home to stay and live here soon, so this reality of being found out is a hard one to swallow. It’s not either of our faults. I had a baby, she was making aContinue reading “We Are All Keeping Secrets”
Need for Connection
This year has had me question so much. Pregnancy was exhausting, humbling and frustrating. COVID has left little room for taking a breath. Parenthood has taken away my control and restructured my life. There is one theme I have felt deeply for years that has come to a peak. There has been a lack ofContinue reading “Need for Connection”
How Becoming a Parent Has Helped Me Appreciate My Flaws
I have a long list of insecurities, as most of us do. I have always hated my brown eyes. In my life long pursuit of being unique, my brown eyes have always kept me solidly in the “common” category. My mixture of Polynesian and European creates this lovely phenomenon of hair. I have an insanelyContinue reading “How Becoming a Parent Has Helped Me Appreciate My Flaws”
Aspen Leaves
I did one of my favorite things a few weeks ago. I went up to the mountains to look at the aspen leaves that have changed to yellow. It’s a big event for us here in Colorado and I have always relished the beauty that fall brings here. Now this year we had a crankyContinue reading “Aspen Leaves”
Many Days Like This
Today was not my best parenting day. It’s not because I snapped or got too emotional or really anything that bad. But I know that I want on my A-game. I’m still so freshly new to this parenting thing. I’m surprised I haven’t gotten to this place sooner. I know that there will be manyContinue reading “Many Days Like This”
Becoming a Parent in a Pandemic
I have a 5 week old. What a weird amount of time that is. It feels like it flew by, but it also feels like it’s taken forever to get here. I know that 5 weeks is nothing in the grand scheme of my daughter’s life, but it still has held so much in thatContinue reading “Becoming a Parent in a Pandemic”
Day 5 as a Mother
I have really dreaded being a mother. To have a little being that I’m responsible for, that needs ME all day long. It made all of my selfishness shine. But here I am. Day 5 of it, and it’s not even like I made a choice. I just became what I am. My sweet babyContinue reading “Day 5 as a Mother”
When Did I Become So Socially Awkward?
I think I am out of practice in socializing. It’s become increasingly clear to me how uncomfortable I am with things that I would’ve loved months ago. In my state, we’ve lightened up on some COVID restrictions. Our work office is kind of open, we’ve had groups of people over, we eat out at restaurantsContinue reading “When Did I Become So Socially Awkward?”
Reflecting
I have had such a hard time wrestling with the thoughts and feelings of the state of things. I want to help, I want to speak, but I have never felt my voice is one to be heard. I am a person of mixed color and culture. I am half white and half Polynesian, butContinue reading “Reflecting”
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